Sunday, June 6, 2010

THE JIG IS UP

Well, not quite.
But, I AM coming up on almost one year here in LA.

There has been a lot of anger. Anger over thinking that I made the wrong decision. Frustration that I'm not doing what I want to do. Helplessness and so many other feelings based on so many things in the last year so far. But, I've finally let that all go. It's like a light bulb went off. And, it just went off today. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it.

In the last several weeks, I've come across many people who have told me things I've already heard before. This time though, it really got me thinking. Thinking in a good way.

"Everything happens for a reason." Yes, yes. I have heard that by many. But, for some reason, the person who said it to me this weekend, actually made me believe it.

Then, there's the new motivator in my life. This person is incredible. Fresh and wide-eyed. And, I'm realizing that motivation is contagious.

And, encouragement....this has come in many forms. I'm feeling the loyalty across the board from people who I know really care about me.

Ok...I know this all sounds very vague. But, it all leads to a point here. The point being...I'm focusing on ME. And NOT in a selfish way. On what I WANT to do. Not what I NEED to do. I don't know where I will end up. Whether I stay here in LA or head back across the country, it's a decision that I will have to make. And, I will OWN it!

I had been feeling sorry for myself on so many levels. Playing the "woe is me" card. But, I gave that card away this weekend. No more tears.

It's all about knowing who I am and who I am not.

I am real.
I am realistic and I refuse to live with my head in the clouds.
I will always tell it to you straight.
I am motivated.
I am inspired.
I am smart and I won't apologize for it.
I will never pretend I'm someone that I am not.
I do not brag.
And, I don't think that I'm better than anyone else.
I believe in hard work.
I believe in fate.
I belive in passion.
And, I do not belive in magic (HP or any other kind).

Decision time is coming up soon. First though...there will be another NYC trip. No doubt it will have a different feel than the last one.

The light bulb went off today and I'm dimming it for the night.
Plugging in a new one from here on out.

And, THAT is a good thing.