Tuesday, September 21, 2010

ROUGH TIMES, BUT NOT IN THE CLEAR...YET

Overwhelmed. That's the only word I can think of to describe exactly how I feel.

People (shockingly!) have been reading my blog and have been messaging me asking..."So, what happened? Where are you? How is your mom?"

So, the last 3 weeks...here goes:
-Like I said, I got my mom transferred to USC (go Trojans!). She gets in and she's in surgery early the next morning. Quadruple bypass surgery. The longest 6 hours of my life. Well, the surgery was long. But, it literally was the LONGEST day of my life. I stayed with my mom until 10pm the night before. Went home. Ate and drank a lot of wine. Woke up at 4am, to get there before surgery. Long morning. Long day. Intense pre-op in the surgery waiting area. And, the constant "code blue" on the PA system at the hospital during the surgery. The worst. Waiting. It just sucks. She had complications, bleeding complications. So, the following few days were very hard.
-But, long story short...she was moved out of the ICU and into a regular room and now, home. 2 weeks ago tomorrow. And, I have to say, she is getting much better. There are still some issues and I'm still worried of course, because we're not totally in the clear, but I am hopeful.
-It's been hard on her. yes. But, it's been overwhelming to me. There's that word again. It's just so much. Too much. I'm finally managing. Turns out the doctors require her to have 24 hour care, but insurance doesn't cover that. So, what do I do? I start taking the 24 hour care into my hands. I take care of her in the morning and at nights. And, I get some of her friends to cover during the day. I've created a system. Crazy system. I mean, I have to go to work and pay the bills. So, I have to find people between 9am and 7pm. Definitely a challenge sometimes.

So, I'm doing the schedule. I am "nursing" in the morning. I organize her prescriptions and doctors appointments, physical therapists, home nurses. I am dealing with the insurance and the bills. Her bills, my bills, all bills. Would be great to just hire someone full time to help out, but we don't have that kind of cash. I am trying to manage her apartment building. I'm dealing with her job and bosses. Her disability benefits. Her paycheck. Oh yah...in the middle of all this...I forgot to mention....I found out that none of her "affairs" are in order. My name is not on the house or anything else she owns. There was no power of attorney or directives. I had to scramble the night before the surgery, calling all of my attorney friends and notaries to figure out a quick fix...just in case. So, I'm taking those matters into my own hands and working on a living trust for the family. An official one.

Well, that's it in a nutshell. You just do what you have to do. That's that. You don't think. You just do.

Overwhelmed or not, one thing is for certain and I keep saying it to myself every day. I am so lucky that I am living here in California. Lucky for many reasons beyond my family because (really, it's the best place in the world to live). But also, because my timing with my mom's health issues could not have been more perfect. I have to say, my timing usually sucks. But this time, it was just right. And, while I complain consistently about my non-job job, I am extremely lucky to have had it during this time. Not only for the consistent paycheck, but also because it's not a "real" job and it gives me the flexibility to do what I need to do during these trying times.

Someone told me not long ago that you have to just kind of ride out the wave, even if it threatens to knock you down. So, I think I've already hit the rough waters...and, it seems that so far, I haven't drowned. So...I think I can handle riding out the rest. Well, at least I hope I can.

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