IT'S AMAZING HOW...

life can give you perspective.
It's what I've been needing for awhile now. Perspective.

A family friend's father died overnight and it just made me think. This year so far has been hard. There has been death. Illness. Lots of that actually. Love lost. Tears. Frustration. Anger. The unknown on so many levels. But it has all given me perspective. To see and realize what is important. At least, what's important to ME.

I say all this because...I'm supposed to have an interview in NYC. Tuesday morning. But, to be perfectly honest...I'm not entirely sure I want to go. I don't know if I just don't want to go for this particular job. Or, if I don't want to go because I just want to stick it close to home right now.

My family is so important to me and the thought of leaving them at this moment, just scares me. I know this sounds corny...but I believe in signs. I mean, subtle signs. Signs that most people miss. In fact, I miss them all the time. But, I feel like they've been loud and clear this year thus far. I was ready to leave LA and all the stuff happened with my mom. Hence, I HAD to stay. For me, for my mom, for my family. And...just many other little things along the way. It's hard for me to decide what's an actual "sign" and what is just a coincidence, so to speak.

But, for some reason...I'm very hesitant about this interview and I don't know why. Maybe I should trust my gut. Maybe something better will come along. Maybe I shouldn't be trying for this one, right now. I don't know. And, I don't know what I'm going to decide at this point. I guess it will be one of those things that screams out I me. I hope.

12 hours from now, I'm going to decide. Should I go or should I stay? I know what I want to do. But I also have to think...what is the smartest thing to do.

To be continued...